She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
All I want is dick and wine.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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