I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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