Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
