So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
