this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
