their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
