how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
