hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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