Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
