so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
