Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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