R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
