So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
it was like his penis was on wheels.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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