Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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