I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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