she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
