yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
