3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
