Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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