this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
