just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
