Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
