Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
