pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
