remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
