I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
