Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
