I wanna passion pit in your ass
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
even my farts smell like vagina
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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