Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
where are you?
Hypothermia
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
