College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
