I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
