CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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