Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
