Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
