i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
