You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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