I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
