I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
