Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
