Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
