Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
