I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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