He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
