i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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