i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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