yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
