You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
