My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
