I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
