I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
My liver just had a heart attack.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
