I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
