She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
